India.. No Mercy.

Reality. Struggling. Heartbreak. Volunteering. Sigh. If there was only a way to make this possible without days of sadness and horribleness, because today for me was hard. I would have given anything to leave and go home and I would have given my arm or leg to take some of these girls with me. For the first time I felt helpless. Some of these girls just do not belong here. They are here because they have no where else to go. And others are just in their own world. How do you help these girls? Am I helping enough? Am I even helping at all?



It’s heartbreaking. And today my heart did break. I knew this day would come.When regardless of your intentions you feel you have not even moved a pebble in a field of boulders. Everyday we go work with the girls. We work on letters and numbers. We learn different parts of the body. We dance in circles. I thank God for dancing because it is their favorite activity and this always brings my spirits up. It’s so wonderful to see them laugh and giggle. But then there is the down side. The side I feel I just cant do enough. They say when you volunteer that it’s best to try not to get attached, but I am not that kind of person. I try, honestly I do. But truly my heart is breaking. Today I had to go for a run. Yes a run down the little road in this little village. I had to get away from it all. To be alone for five minutes and breathe. I want to be here. I want to help. But my emotions got to me today so much that I had to put my I pod on and break into my own world. I came back determined. So I will begin to show you their faces, tell stories, show their lives.



Meet Maria Selvi. She is an older woman maybe in her mid 40's. She was once married and completely normal but has some sort of fainting problem. Her husband could not take care of her so here she is. I've been told her heart is weak and she has a hard time standing or moving a lot. I have not seen this yet. However I have seen her write full sentences in English and Tamil. She carries a journal that she has written all of the songs she has learned. She loves to sing and helps us a lot to translate the words we are teaching and songs we sing. She I would say is sort of like a big sister or mother to some. A guide maybe. For me it is hard because I know she does not belong here. She doesn't. I wish to God for her to have a doctor come and put her where she belongs. Somewhere else where she can be treated. Somewhere that she can expand her knowledge. Does this place even exist here? I have been told there are other places similar to here but there is not really a middle ground. It's this or a hospital and she doesn't belong in the hospital. So where does she go? She is so smart. And she is so positive. She carries herself as a woman. She is full of life.



Then meet Sophie. A gem of sorts. She is fully in a world of her own. She does speak some Tamil and pretends to sneeze to get attention but for the most part she seems considerably out. It’s so fun to be around her because she spends 70% of the time laughing. At what? Who knows but I love to laugh with her. I love to see her spirit. It's so big. So colorful. She is in her late 20's. You would never know because she looks maybe 16 and acts maybe 7 years old. They cut their hair short when they are unable to take care of themselves. So a lot of the girls are hairless. There are close to 70 girls yet most of them look like boys because of their short hair. I did see a picture today before they had short hair. They had bangs and pony tails. They were so beautiful. Even though Sophie can do very little she makes me very happy. She makes me smile.



I knew coming into this trip I would do, feel and see things that were difficult. But today I feel sad. I feel helpless. I feel angry that people in our world have to live like this. Even just in this country. In India they lack everything. They lack education. They lack money. They lack food and water. I’m not sure what it is like in Africa, I can only imagine. But I do know that somehow we are all missing this country. We are missing the chance to be better humans and to make the world better. Because they need it here. So terribly. They need help. In our country we take things for granted. Things like family. Things like food or pillows. Things like bug spray, hair brushes, tables and chairs. All things we never even consider unavailable because it is. We as American's have anything and everything at our finger tips. It takes for something to be gone to miss it. And these people can’t even imagine a life of pillow top beds or a hot shower. They don't even know this type of thing exists in the world. Maybe it’s better for that right now. But please take some time today and maybe not worry about how bad your bills are. How you need a new couch or car. That you have not had your hair or nails done in a while. Look up a non-profit in a third world country. One that makes you want to help. Donate. See what they need. See how you can help even if just a little. You will be a better person for it. Show your children. Get them involved. Schools. Show teachers. Try to get them to donate with their students as a project. Maybe at your work place. $5 a month per employee. Here it will cost about $135 one time to get on doctor to come in and diagnose these girls. Something I am considering donating myself. Please just make everyone aware that there are people in this world struggling way more then they are. Way more then you are. I’m sorry for the sadness of this post but it's my reality right now. I'm living this.

www.mercyhomefoundation.com